Week 3 :-: Emotional Intelligence

The key to successful leadership today is influence not authority! - Ken Blanchard 

We start this week's lesson with this beautiful quote above from Ken Blanchard. 

What do you think about it? 

Jesus speaking to His disciples had this to say on the subject: 

Matthew 20:25-26 Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you.

He was firm about how he expects His disciples (followers), to lead and this had to be different from how the Gentiles (others, non-jews or in our context non-followers of Christ). Not do with you. No lording, no practice of authoritarian leadership!

Most traditional definitions of leadership almost always however have something to do with either position, title or power as well as authority. Think about it for a moment. While titles can be assigned, it is clear that true leadership cannot be assigned, it has to be earned. You can hardly force anyone to consistently follow you. They may try for a while, but do you know what happens when you are not present? 

Tough leader?

A servant leader understands that being in a position of leadership does not guarantee that people will follow them and if people are not following you, you are basically wasting everyone's time. If your ability to get things done is solely dependent either on your power, ability to bods people around, position or authority, imagine what will happen when you are gone. They will of course engage in what they want. They will celebrate your absence. Successful leadership therefore requires that even in your absence, your people will still continue being productive. Most groups fail because the leader has little influence on his/her people. They think their titles and power will translate to success but are surprised when this does not happen. Don't be deceived you need something greater than titles and power. You need to be able to influence people positively. 

Servant leaders do not operate on the basis of personal power, they rather seek to develop their influence by building on their Emotional Intelligence and practicing Servant Leadership Influence Tactics (SLIT). SLIT characteristics you should develop include: love, vision, humility, trust, listening, empathy, conflict resolution, awareness, persuasion, conceptualization, foresight, stewardship, commitment to the growth of people & building community. Some have called these softkills but in Team21 we call them essential skills for success. 

We will talk about these in subsequent sessions, for now however let us consider how to build the essential skill known as Emotional Intelligence.

What is Emotional Intelligence and how can you become a leader with greater influence, through enhanced emotional intelligence?

Simply put, Emotional intelligence is knowing ones emotions and the emotions of others and taking them into consideration as we interact with them. It is leading others with love.

I once had a supervisor who showed me what a true emotionally intelligent leader looks like. When he heard my son had been in an accident and was hospitalized, he didn’t just send well wishes—he showed up. For two hours, he played with my little boy, filling the hospital room with love, and thoughtful gifts. It wasn’t part of his job description, and he wasn’t trying to impress me. His kindness was real. And in that moment, I knew—this was a leader who truly cared. From that day on, I was more than just willing to work for him; I was inspired to serve him with even greater dedication. That is emotional intelligence in play. 

Do you feel what others feel and work with them taking into consideration their emotions as well as yours? 

When people show up late for work, what do you assume? When a colleague has a sick child, what do you do? When a close relationship misbehaves what do you assume? Do you understand why you act in the way you do? An emotionally intelligent leader goes beyond the surface. They do not react, they are proactive. In the face of situations,  they stop, think and evaluate before making a conclusion. 

In order to build your Emotional Intelligence, seek to know yourself better (Self- Awareness), control your emotions (Self-Regulation), build your social skills ( develop your ability to communicate better, build solid networks, know the names of your people, their children etc.), develop empathy ( place yourself in the shoes of others) and practice motivation (celebrate successes, encourage others). 

One thing I did as a supervisor was that I sometimes took my team out for lunch as well as invited them to spend time with my family. Over time I have discovered this encouraged bonding among us and better teamwork. 

The key to sycceful leadership is indeed influence. Let us work on improving on our ability to influence others positively by building our Emotional Intelligence. This week's assignment will require that you work on a specific activity everyday. 

Please make sure not to miss a single day! Each day's activity presents a unique opportunity to learn about and practice a key aspect of Emotional Intelligence, helping you strengthen your skills and grow in your leadership.

Read on:

Week 3 Assignment:

This week's assignment consists of activities spread throughout the week. To get the most out of them, set aside enough time each day to complete one activity. These exercises are designed to be practiced daily, not all at once, so plan accordingly.

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1. Self-Awareness Monday

Self-awareness helps you understand how your emotions and actions influence your ability to manage both yourself and others.

Activity:

• Discover your personality type – Take this free online test: 16Personalities Test. What did you learn about yourself? Read and reflect on your results. Understanding yourself better will also help you treat others with greater awareness and empathy.
• Journal your thoughts – Write down your reflections throughout the day. Do they align with what you believe about yourself? Are they a true reflection of how you feel? If negative thoughts arise, take a moment to pause and pray. Evaluating your thoughts will help you develop greater self-awareness.
• Slow down – Take time to examine any strong emotions you experienced today. Remember, your response to emotions is a proactive choice. Don’t be led by emotions; instead, focus on managing them wisely. Were you successful in controlling your emotions? Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you.
• Observe rather than judge – Before making assumptions about others this week, pause and ask yourself if they are true. What beliefs do you hold that might be inaccurate? Instead of assuming, seek understanding by asking thoughtful questions.

Bible Verse:
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" – Matthew 7:3

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2. Self-Regulation Tuesday

Staying in control is both a virtue and a gift of the Holy Spirit. Leaders who regulate themselves avoid attacking others (verbally or otherwise), making rash or emotional decisions, stereotyping, and compromising their values.

Activity:

• Define your values – Write down your personal code of ethics. Have you been living according to these values? Leaders who fail to live according to their values experience cognitive dissonance. If your actions conflict with biblical values, this is also called sin.
• Hold yourself accountable – When things go wrong, do you take responsibility, or do you blame others? Examine your role in difficult situations and apologize when necessary.
• Pray before making decisions – Seeking God’s guidance can help you stay in control and make wise choices.

3. Motivation Wednesday

Self-motivation drives leaders to achieve their goals and strive for excellence.

Activity:

• Write down your goals – Remind yourself why staying motivated is important for your team, family, or other responsibilities.
• Evaluate your progress – Regularly assess your journey toward achieving personal and professional goals.
• Be optimistic – No matter the circumstances, find something good in your situation and thank God. Gratitude fosters motivation.

Bible Verse:
" Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. " – Colossians 3:23-24

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4. Develop Empathy Thursday

Empathy is key to effective leadership, allowing you to understand others by putting yourself in their shoes, listening actively, and providing constructive feedback.

Activity:

• Put yourself in someone else’s position – This week, listen to another person’s perspective without immediately challenging their views.
• Pay attention to body language – Observe both your own nonverbal communication and that of those you lead. What unspoken messages are being conveyed?
• Respond to feelings, not just words – Acknowledge the emotions behind what others are expressing.
• Know your people – Do you know where your team members or those you lead live? Are you aware of the challenges they face? Understanding their realities will help you lead with compassion.

Bible Verse:
"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." – Matthew 7:12

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5. Improve Your Social Skills Friday

Developing social skills enhances your ability to connect with and understand others.

Activity:

• Learn conflict resolution – Are you aware of any conflicts in your personal or professional relationships? Write down the issues and consider how each side perceives them. What steps can you take to help foster mutual understanding?
• Improve communication skills – Reflect on your verbal and non-verbal communication. Are you satisfied with your ability to communicate effectively? Read an article on communication skills and create a six-month plan for improvement.
• Increase team loyalty – Acknowledge and praise contributions publicly, but correct mistakes privately. Consider a recent situation where a team member’s shortcomings affected you. How can you strengthen loyalty within your teams? Research strategies for building team trust and create a three-month action plan.
• Develop emotional intelligence – Outline a strategy for improving your emotional intelligence throughout this course.

Bible Verse:
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." – John 13:34-35

Reflect on this week

1. Write a summary of what you learned and what changes you are making this week. What personal changes do you plan to make? How do you plan to treat others differently based on what you have learned about your6and emotional intelligence? Email your mentor post on your blog then share the link in your group.

2. Write your short reflections on emotional intelligence based on what you learned and experienced this week and share with your mentor. Once they validate, post on your LinkedIn and #Team21, #ServantLeadership #NotSoWithYou

Please e-mail your answers for this week and all other weeks to team21online@gmail.com and your mentor at the latest on Saturday. Also post a summary of what you have learned on your newly created blog. Ask your mentor for her/his email address.